"Bastard" review Fuck with mee.
Tyler, The Creator – Bastard review
“Shocker, right? Cause Tyler, the Creator definitely needs to be talked about more. *insert long introduction about the rise of Odd Future and how offended I am*
One thing you gotta understand about Tyler and his crew is that they perfectly represent the Swag-Generation (for those who don’t know, Swag-Generation is my term for kids who came of age in the 2000’s and grew up on hip hop. The bold underline font is required. Always.) and our sense of humor. We grew up on the internet so instant gratification and tasteless jokes are basically our forte, feel me? So, what’s so great about Bastard in the first place? Lemme start off off top by saying if you’re a fairy nipple* who takes music seriously you’re going to hate this (*I’m not allowed to say the magic n-word in this word so I’m going to replace it with random two syllable n-words). Like this is the type of shit the weird kid who sits in the back of class drawing dead people listens to, okay? Even though, it’s obvious Tyler isn’t really bout that life. But that’s neither here nor there. Where we at? In hood. Where we at? On the corner.
Bastard
Okay so here’s the concept, Tyler is soooo different and angsty that he needs to see the school counselor. From what I gather Tyler grew up without a dad so it gives him carte blanche to be a dick. Suddenly, a racist reader just sighed and said “Oh, where have I heard that story before”. Shut up, racist, we discussing real nugget shit over here, brah. But yeah, as I was saying, the summary of the story is Tyler’s a butthurt teenager that raps, Kay? Speaking of butthurt, Tyler starts off by letting us know that he’s butthurt that the blogs ignored him. L. What about the music? Well, Tyler is a sick ass producer, the thing about the Swag-Generation is that we were all influenced in some shape form or fashion by the Neptunes. They basically dominated the 2000 airwaves, no contest. Fight me. Tyler decides to do an annoying 5+ minute song with no drums, just a piano and strings. If Tyler didn’t have the voice of a sexually offensive Morgan Freeman in 1955 Tyler would sound like a bitch-ass Nigel Thornberry. Don’t get me wrong, this song’s dope for the first 2 minutes…then it keeps going…and going till all of a sudden you’re watching porn again not because you’re actually horny. Just because you’re bored to death and the only thing that will save you is breasts….huge breasts. But yeah, I like the fact he flat out says “I cut my wrists and play piano cause I’m so depressed”, it shows that he’s self-aware. If anything, it sets the mood and gives a good introduction to what Tyler/Odd Future stands for. Random pop culture references and shock imagery. I give him props for shouting out Aaron Hall though. That’s amazing. Moving on...
2.Seven
So umm, Tyler decides to rap for 3 minutes again without a hook. This is a horrible trend in hip hop. None of you new Nigerians rapping are good enough to rap a full length song without a hook. Tyler’s an interesting rapper, but I don’t CARE about your rapping my nickel. We need a hook from Amerie (shit, NOONE ever says…EVER) or something cause I don’t give a fuck homie. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a bad song at all, but it’s not good either. Let’s just say I’m this close to going back to xvideos. I’m curious if gay people listen to hip hop. Cause uhhh……
3.Odd Toddlers featuring Casey Veggies
This song was actually on the Odd Future Tape that came out back in 2008-2009……so guess what? Skip this shit. Nevermind the fact it’s ANOTHER song where he raps with no hook. Nevermind the fact this beat is literally “One Beer” by MF Doom. Nevermind that this is boring. You know what? It’s time for Sara Jay…..
4.French! featuring Hodgy Beats
Now THIS is what I’m talking about my noggin. This beat bangs hard as hell. Tyler comes in the most memorable verse opener I’ve heard in years. “Got all the black bitches mad cause my main bitch vanilla”. I never understood why black women get mad when we got a white chick it’s like yo. It’s like ice cream, feel me? I’m tryna lick as many as I can before I die THESE NOVELS WONT HOLD ME BACK. Nothing personal. This hook is dope as fuck as well. I think Hodgy is underrated as a member of Odd Future, I feel like’s the most straight forward rapper in the group. But I mean, in the Swag-Generation you gotta have a gimmick. Dope song regardless though. This sounds like Chuck Inglish in hell. Fuck with me.
5. Blow
Tyler tells us a story about how he doesn’t want to take a girl on a date, he just wants to rape her and do coke. I can relate, totally. Cause I’m a real nicotine. But this beat though? Shit sounds west coast as fuck. Like Dam-Funk or Dj Quik if they were using Fruity Loops: Fisher Price editon. The thing about this album is….you can’t play this round bitches man. You just can’t, unless it’s a weird chick who visits 4chan. But those type of girls don’t count, cause I mean….they obviously are twisted and like being tied up during sex. I can’t deal with that again. So far Tyler has two great songs in a row, keep it up my navy.
6.Pigs Fly featuring Domo Genesis
This is a chill song, probably a throwaway from Domo Genesis’ Rolling Papers album. Shit was boring as hell, I just list Paradeened to it and I can’t tell you anything about it.
7. Parade
This beat is really out of this world. Tyler mastered synths I gotta give him that. One thing I noticed about this album compared to Goblin is Tyler obviously has nothing to talk about. On Goblin you find Tyler trying to deal with this newfound fame and you seem him experiment with actual song structure. On Bastard it’s just “Hey, I’m gonna rap for 40 seconds and give you hook a few times then the songs gonna be over okay? If you’re lucky I’ll let you here a conversation between me and myself with the pitch slowed down” Yaaaaawn.
8.Slow It Down
Another song from the Odd Future Tape…..SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP BIIIIITCH
9. Assmilk ft. Earl Sweatshirt
This song is monumental in the Odd Future catalog. Tyler and Earl trade raps back and forth over a great beat. This personifies Odd Future perfectly. Earl saves this song from being boring obviously. On the outside looking in, this song is basically a circle jerk of two high school boys bragging about raping imaginary bitches. Still a dope song regardless.
10.VCR/Wheels
This is hands down the best song on the album, if you don’t like Tyler just play this shit. It’s sad how the first half is so short. This beat is the waviest shit I’ve heard ina minute. It shows a glimpse of Tyler’s genius. Even though he’s rapping about rape again he’s undeniable from a artistic standpoint.
(Sidenote: It’s obvious this nelly got rejected a lot in school, got damn. Show me on the doll where they hurt you brah. If you listen closely you can hear the teardrops hit the microphone in synch with the hihats.)
11.Session featuring Hodgy Beats and BRandun Deshay/Mike G
Okay, hilarious story, there are two versions of Bastard. The original has this song with Brandun Deshay on the third verse, the second version has this song but Brandun Deshay is replaced with Mike G. For those who don’t know, Mike G is literally the worst rapper in Odd Future, probably the worst rapper to exist in the 2000s. I’m serious. Apparently Brandun Deshay and Tyler have beef because Tyler’s a butthurt Nissan like usual. Brandun seems like a douchebag though, I follow homie on twitter (I’m @TrillTabernacle by the way, fuck with ya boy *insert more hip hop clichés*) It’s unfortunate because Bradun is a great artist. Like REALLY great. He actually killed Hodgy and Tyler on this song. I want homie to win yo. Anyways, this song is decent. Another hookless rap circle jerk, basically.
12. Sarah
This shit sound like fucking 80’s synth pop oh my god someone shoot me in the dick it would feel so great right now. That’s sad because I LOVE 80’s synth pop. Nite and Day by Al B. Sure is destined to be on repeat at my funeral. That, and “Mack is Back” by Kool Keith. Kool Keith is probably the worst artist to play in a social event. But fuck you, Mom and Dad, I’m edgy.
13. Jack and the Beanstalk
Tyler himself stated he hates this song.
I do too.
14.Tina Featuring Jasper and Taco
This song is brilliant. Like, I’m serious. Odd Future basically shits on the hip hop game with this. The nonsensical hook, the semi-trap beat, the ridiculous verses. This is amazing, even though Bitch Suck Dick on Goblin is better. Actually, Goblin does everything Tyler did on this album except 4 times better.
But dude, they pause the beat so this dude can eat fucking chips. What in the fucking world.
15. Inglorious
So Tyler closes this album 5 times more butthurt than he started it. YOU NEED A FUCKING MY HUG MY NIXON
Damn!
If I was Tyler’s dad I would be laughing my ass like damn son, u still mad? Get some bitches….I’d be a horrible father. ;_;
Can someone do an interview with this dude’s dad? That’d be the greatest thing ever. Pause MTV VH1 and BET simultaneously so we can watch this like it’s a kanye west video premiere. It is THAT important.
All jokes aside, this song is kinda sad when given the context. This dude talking about killing himself and shit cause daddy wasn’t there n shit. Like…that’s sad.
Nah fuck that, he jokes about sexually abused chicks I can laugh at this emo shit.
Best songs: French, VCR/Wheels, Blow, Parade, Assmilk
This album is interesting form a cultural standpoint. But is the music generally good? Hell no, if you want to see Tyler at his best buy Goblin. Don’t listen to what the bloggin ass muthafuckas say. This album is not that good.
*grows Max B esque perm and rides off on a surfboard*
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